About a week ago, I was strolling Facebook and saw this video of a man who was filming his 10-year-old daughter walking to school. The man said that his daughter had been suspended from the school bus for bullying other students. She told him that he was going to have to take her to school and he told her that she is the one who lost her riding privileges and she would be walking to school. The day he filmed her it was 36 degrees and she walked about a mile. I didn’t think much of the video other than I wouldn’t have filmed it or uploaded it to the internet, but “Good for him!” Yesterday, I had myself a Dr. Phil day and watched all the episodes I’ve missed over winter break. Low and behold, that same dad who made his daughter walk to school was on! He and a couple other parents were discussing corporal punishment and bullying. I am Dr. Phil’s biggest fan. For the most part, I live and breathe what that man says. Dr. Phil is anti-spanking. I am not. There was a total of three parents on the show who spank their children. Two of the parents had similar issues of their kids bullying other kids. They rectified the matter by making their kids walk/run to school and discussing it. Another parent was on the show for offering to spank a stranger’s child in a restaurant for throwing a 20-minute tantrum because he didn’t get his way in the previous place he was at. This man proceeded to go home and create a “Free ass whoopins” sign offering to spank unruly kids with a paddle! There was also a video shown of a woman spanking her 14-year-old son with a belt for stealing her new car and taking a joy ride. Guest speakers were appalled at this and wanted to talk about how traumatic that must have been FOR THE CHILD!!! Now, I do not believe in spanking a child with any object. I think it could be very easy to get carried away and not realize how hard they are being struck. However, if my child stole my new car, I just might actually beat the hell out of him with whatever I could get my hands on! The difference is that I wouldn’t have filmed it or uploaded it. I believe in handling things in private and not making a public spectacle of discipline.
I was spanked (often) as a child. I made choices that led to those spankings. I never felt abused, unloved or terrified of my parents. My mom was my mom. She was not my friend until I became and adult. I spanked my kids when they were little. I only remember spanking Jake a few times. Mackenzie was a slower learner lol. I’m not saying that spanking is the magic answer to effective parenting. I used lots of methods to teach the kids life lessons. I once put them one of my dad’s old t-shirts together to teach them to get along. They had been arguing and I was tired of listening to it. They had to stay in the shirt until they were ready to get along. I washed their mouths out with soap when they lied to show them that lying tastes bad for a long time after the lie is told. Yes, I put soap filled with toxins in their mouths. But guess what? They survived and to this day, they tell the truth. I remember telling my kids often “We are not friends”. It sounds harsh, but it’s true. I have raised really good kids because of this. They are two of the most respectful, well behaved teenagers you will ever meet. They are far from perfect, but I feel they will be strong, productive members of society when they are on their own. They know the value of a dollar and realize that they will have to work for what they want. Nothing will be handed to them. Mackenzie used to make crafts to sell so she could buy the newest iPad or electronic device. Jake is paying his own college tuition, so he won’t have the privilege of paying students loans for the rest of his life. If you want a companion, get a dog or join a gym or create an online dating profile. Do not have a child to fill a friendship void. It won’t do either of you any good.
I think so many parents want to be liked by their kids. This isn’t a crazy thought. Everyone wants to be liked by their kids. But being their friends and never telling them “NO” is not the answer. Disciplining them, showing them right from wrong, leading by example are much better ways to earn their respect and love. I was a complete hard-ass on my kids when they were little. But now I am super close to both of them. We have a mutual respect for one another. I wonder how the Dr. Phil show would have went if those dads didn’t do anything to their bully children and the victims of their children’s bullying committed suicide? How would the show be different if that 14-year-old boy ran someone over in his mom’s car? Parents these days are damned if they discipline their kids, damned if they don’t! I have a classroom filled with 5 and 6-year-olds, most of whom are undisciplined. They crave structure and routines, both of which they are not getting at home. I’m not saying to spank your child or put them in a t-shirt or wash their mouths out with soap. But do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to show them proper behavior. Hold them accountable for their actions and teach them right from wrong for God’s sake. For everyone’s sake! I don’t know when this shift started, but I think something’s gotta give soon!