mrsdandymandy.com

Never in a million years did I think I’d be doing a timeline of my own, but here it is.

August 2020 – I had my first mammogram. Two days after I had it done, Simon Med called and said I needed to come in and have another one done. I went in a couple of days later and they did a mammogram on my right breast. The tech had me wait a few minutes so the radiologist could look at it before sending me home. When the tech came to see me, she told me the radiologist saw something and I had to stay for an ultrasound. I was terrified as I waited alone. Convinced I had breast cancer, I started googling oncologists near me. The ultrasound seemed to take forever, but I’m sure it was only a few minutes. After the ultrasound, someone came to talk to me and said I have a very small cyst that was nothing to worry about. She said since this was my first mammogram, they wanted to do an ultrasound to be sure it was only that, which it thankfully was.

August 2021 – I had my yearly mammogram at Simon Med. I received a letter from them a week later saying everything looked good.

August 24, 2022 – Our insurance company is no longer contracted with Simon Med so I had a mammogram at SDMI on August 24, 2022. About a week later, I became incredibly sick with a sinus infection that went from viral to bacterial and an ear infection. Once I started to feel better, I was hit with another cold/sinus thing which turned into bronchitis. I was sick from August 31 until around Christmas. In the midst of this, I received a letter from SDMI stating I needed to return for another mammogram. I remember reading it and thinking they saw the cyst in my right breast. I put the letter away in my desk drawer, meaning to call them soon. If there was anything truly wrong, they would call me like Simon Med did, right? If not, surely my doctor would call, right? Wrong.

December 4, 20022 – I was finally starting to feel better from all of the sickness I had endured for the past 3 months. I was cleaning out my desk and found the letter from SDMI. I called them to tell them about the cyst in my right breast. The guy on the phone said they need a mammogram of my left breast because I had calcifications in it. My stomach dropped and I panicked. The soonest I could be seen was next month. I googled breast calcifications and cancer and kept this news to myself. It was the holidays and I didn’t want to worry anyone for no reason. Plus, Jake was coming home and I didn’t want his trip to be spent worrying. I told Mike the night before the mammogram and he freaked out. He was pissed that I hadn’t told anyone. He convinced me to tell the kids, my mom, and my sisters that night. He took the day off and went with me to the mammogram.

January 6, 2023 – I had the mammogram at SDMI at 9:00. The lady doing my mammogram was putting my info in the computer and asked me why it took me 4 months to come back. I apologized and told her I had been very sick for the last few months and assumed it was about the cyst in my right breast. She was very unfriendly and the mammogram was more unpleasant than usual. After it was done, she told me to wait until the radiologist viewed it before getting dressed. I asked when I would get the results and she said in about 7-10 days. I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes and googled breakfast places near me. The lady came out and said I could get dressed and that they were expediting the results and I would hear something no later than Tuesday, January 10. Mike and I left and went to a new place that I found on Yelp. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of a trailer park and Mike was not a good sport about it so we ended up going to Cracker Barrel instead.

January 9, 2023 – I called SDMI to see if my mammogram results were in. They said yes and they were sent to my doctor about 10 minutes ago. The lady asked if I wanted to have the results emailed to me. I said yes and gave her my work email so I could read them right away. The email took forever to come through so I called my doctor’s office. The receptionist said they received my results and emailed them to me. She said to call back if I had any questions. I felt instant relief. I assumed the results said everything was fine. Wrong again. The results said there were microcalcifications with irregular margins and a stereotactic biopsy was recommended. What in the literal hell does any of that mean?!?! I called my doctor’s office and said I had tons of questions starting with what a stereotactic biopsy is and why would they email me instead of calling me. The girl on the phone apologized and said the nurse would be calling me back to explain the next steps. Later on, the nurse called and said that I needed a stereotactic biopsy which was a less invasive procedure. She said the order had been sent to SDMI. I called SDMI after work and the soonest appointment they had available was February 6. They only have one facility in Las Vegas that does the stereotactic biopsy and that’s why it takes so long to get in. They said I could call every day, twice a day to see if they had any cancellations so I could be seen earlier. That is exactly what we did. Mackenzie and I tag-teamed this task. I called every morning and she called every afternoon. I called my insurance company to see if I could go anywhere else to have the biopsy done. They said SDMI was the only place they would cover and if I went somewhere else, I would have to pay out of pocket.

The mental, emotional, and physical toll this has taken on my body is no joke! I am exhausted in every way possible. My Hashimoto’s has flared up fiercely. I am scared my story will end like my dad’s. He was diagnosed with cancer too late and passed away before he could even begin chemo. I watched the medical system give him the run around over and over. I don’t want this to happen to me too. I’m so worried about what this is doing to my kids. I have been in their spot and know how scary this is. I’m worried about Mike. He hasn’t said much, but I can see and hear how scared he is. I’m worried about my mom and sisters. We still haven’t recovered from losing my dad and might be starting this journey all over again.

January 23, 2023 – I made my routine 8:15 AM call to SDMI and they had a cancellation for February 2. I scheduled the appointment and let my principal know I would be out for two days.  A couple of days later, I find out that an extremely difficult student was going to be moved from another class into mine on the week of the biopsy. He started with me on Tuesday and has completely wreaked havoc on my classroom and students. I don’t know how much more stress I can take.

February 2, 2023 – It sounds dumb, but I was sad to miss Groundhog Day with my class. My mom and Mackenzie took me to SDMI at 8:30. I was given a mild sedative and went into a mammogram waiting room to change and fill out some paperwork before the sedative kicked in. The tech was so nice and explained that she would be with me the entire time and wanted to walk me through the procedure before it began. She took me into the room where the stereotactic biopsy would take place. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was not expecting it to look like a surgical room. There were bright lights and a table in the middle of the room. The table had a hold in it. The tech explained that I would lay on my stomach with my breast through the hole. The table would be raised so the doctor could perform the biopsy. She explained that I would be injected with lidocaine to numb the area. Once numb, she said a small incision would be made and a tube-like tool would be inserted to retrieve the cells needed, and a titanium clip the size of an eyelash would be placed to show the exact location of the biopsy for future scans. She took me to the waiting room until the sedative had taken effect. I felt light-headed and very sleepy. The tech walked me back into the biopsy room and everything went as she has explained. The doctor was very nice and explained everything as he did it. I felt some tugging and pressure and didn’t feel any pain until the very end. The doctor said we were at the very end. He said I would hear a series of clicks. I heard three clicks and felt nothing. On the fourth click, I felt an indescribable pain and jumped. He said he needed to do it again because I moved and offered more lidocaine. I declined the lidocaine and promised to hold still. The tech stood next to me and pressed down on my back to help keep me still. I held my breath as he clicked again. The pain was just as much fun the second time around, but I didn’t move. The doctor left and the tech put some type of clamp on my breast to stop the bleeding. After a few minutes, she lowered the table and had me roll over to my back. She cleaned up my breast and put some bandages on. She had me sit up and put an ice pack in my bra and gave me another one to take home. After about 30 minutes, she took me in for a light-pressure mammogram to ensure the clip was placed correctly. She said I had to use the ice pack for at least an hour.  She gave me care instructions for the next few days. I was instructed to sleep with a bra on for about a week. I can’t raise my left arm for a few days. I can’t lift anything for 10-14 days. I can’t shower or get the area wet for 3 days. I can’t take pain relievers other than Tylenol for at least a week. She said to call my doctor to schedule an appointment so they can go over the results with me.

February 3, 2023 – I called and left two messages with my doctor to schedule an appointment. I’m not too sore today. I spent most of the day texting my sub to make sure she was doing okay.

February 4, 2023 – I went to my sister’s mother-in-law’s 70^th birthday party. It felt good to get dressed and out of the house. I was very sore that night and went to bed in pain.

February 6, 2023 – My doctor’s office called and said to come in on Thursday for the results. I have a gut feeling that it is cancer.

February 9, 2023 – Mike and Mackenzie went with me to my doctor to get the results of the biopsy. We were taken to a room and as soon as she closed the door, she made a face I couldn’t read. She was holding the file and said that the results were inconclusive! She said that the report showed that the cells have changed but they need a deeper sample. She said I need to have another biopsy done as soon as possible. She said they have already sent the order to SDMI with a “STAT” label. We left the office frustrated. Mackenzie was very quiet. Mike has it in his head that if he doesn’t hear the word “cancer” from the doctor’s mouth then I don’t have it. We went to breakfast and home. When we got home, Mike and Mackenzie both took naps. I googled cancer-fighting homeopathic treatments to begin until I can be sure. I ordered some Turkey Tail capsules from Amazon to start taking them. I called SDMI to schedule the 2^nd biopsy and they said they don’t have any appointments available until March 22^nd which is 6 weeks away. Even though the orders are marked STAT, that doesn’t change the fact that other people need this same procedure.

February 11, 2023 – I messaged my doctor in the patient portal to let her know when my next biopsy was. I wrote that I was nervous to wait six weeks and asked for suggestions. She wrote back and said my concern is legitimate but the good news is that breast cancer is considered slow growing. She offered to send my referral to Simon Med to see if they could get me in sooner.

February 13, 2023 – I decided to see where else I could have this done and pay cash instead of waiting 6 weeks. My doctor sent the order to Simon Med. The rep from Simon Med quoted a cash price of around $720 for the biopsy. I spoke to SIMON Med on the phone and they said they couldn’t schedule anything until they had the reports and scans from SDMI. I asked what the quickest way to get that done was. They said the quickest way would be for me to personally go to SDMI, pick up the cd and report and take them to Simon Med. Mackenzie and I went to SDMI, got the cd and report, and drove it across town to Simon Med. The lady at Simon Med said someone would call me to schedule by the end of the week.

February 14, 2023 – I was reminded how much I love teaching kindergarten when a student gave me a half-eaten container of Lofthouse cookies! She was so genuine and was so happy to give them to me!

February 15, 2023 – My doctor’s office called me and said that Simon Med just called them and said the report from SDMI showed the WRONG breast was biopsied! The report from SDMI stated that my right breast was biopsied. I now have a personal case manager from Simon Med. She called me and said they were waiting on SDMI to correct the report and resubmit it before I can be scheduled. About two hours later, the rep from Simon Med called me back and said that SDMI fixed the report and I could now be scheduled. She was able to schedule me for next week, February 22^nd! A whole month earlier than SDMI. She scheduled me for a Wednesday afternoon and said I would need to take the rest of the week off. She said since I wouldn’t be fully healed from the first biopsy, this recovery time would be longer.

February 20, 2023 – Mackenzie and I were off for President’s Day and were out running errands. My doctor called and asked if I had a minute. That’s never a good way to start a conversation, so I pulled into the nearest parking lot. She said that Quest Diagnostics did a deeper sample of the biopsy from SDMI and it shows concern for cancer because of the cell changes. She said it was up to me if I still wanted to go to Simon Med in two days for an additional biopsy. I said yes, I did just to be sure. She emailed me the report from Quest to give to Simon Med. She said she wants to see me on March 1^st and in the meantime will set me up with an oncologist and breast surgeon so they can create a treatment plan right away. I thanked her and hung up. I felt terrible for Mackenzie who was sobbing in the passenger seat.

February 21, 2023 – at 5:00 PM, my doctor’s office called and said they set me up with a breast surgeon at Desert West Surgery. They were having trouble finding an oncologist who accepted my insurance and asked if I could call the insurance company and get a list of in-network oncologists.

February 22, 2023 – I called my insurance company and they sent me a list of oncologists. As I scanned the list, the first name that stood out was Dr. Wierman, the oncologist who treated my dad when he was in the hospital. I definitely want my experience to be different from his so I started reading reviews on all of the oncologists on the list. The reviews for every single one were mixed. I decided to go with Dr. Stephani Christensen at the Comprehensive Cancer Center in Henderson. I called her office and verified that they do indeed work with my insurance. I sent Dr. Christensen’s number to my general doctor so they could send the referral. My biopsy isn’t until later in the afternoon, so I treated myself to a new bra from Lane Bryant. I will need to sleep in it for at least a week after this biopsy.

The cash price for this biopsy was $880. This biopsy went very similar to the last one. I arrived at 1:15 and was taken back at 2:00. The doctor went in through a different area, took the sample, and placed a new clip and that was it. While I was waiting, the mammogram technician went over my scans with me and explained where the microcalcifications were, and pointed out the two clips. It was nice to have this explained. While I was waiting for my post-op mammogram, the technician said I looked pale and asked if I had eaten anything today. The only thing I had eaten was some egg bites from Starbucks earlier this morning. She gave me a bag with a rice Krispie treat and some candy and said I should eat it. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I took the first bite of one of the mini candy bars. After we left, Mom, Mackenzie, and I went to Blueberry Hill for an early dinner.

The next few days were spent lounging and catching up on Netflix.

February 27, 2023 – I called Comprehensive Cancer Center to see if they had received the referral from Dr. Lin. They said no and also informed me that I am already listed as a patient of Dr. Kashef at a different Comprehensive Cancer Center location. The receptionist at Dr. Christensen’s location told me that Dr. Christensen would not be able to see me until Dr. Kashef signed a transfer of care form. This news threw me for a loop. I called Dr. Kashef’s office and they said I was seen in December 2020 for an iron transfusion, which is true. I requested the transfer of care and his receptionist said he would not be in until tomorrow so it would be done by 3/1/23. If Dr. Christensen decided to take me on as a patient, I would be notified by the end of the week.

March 1, 2023 – Mike, Mackenzie and I went in for the results of the 2^nd biopsy. The appointment started out with a student doctor. She was sent in by herself to give me the results. She told us that it didn’t look like cancer and it was just a cyst. Mike was instantly relieved. Mackenzie and I were skeptical. Then, Dr. Lin came in and said they don’t have the pathology report from Quest on the biopsy from Simon Med. They only have the written report from Simon Med explaining the procedure, not the findings. She reconfirmed that the deeper sample taken from the first biopsy on 2/2 caused concern for cancer and that I need to see an oncologist. She also said that since Quest did a deeper dive into the sample from 2/2 that I didn’t really need the second biopsy. Then she said that it was probably a good thing that I got the second biopsy because they biopsied a different calcification. At this point, my head was spinning. Mackenzie was crying. Mike kept asking why nobody called us and was in complete disbelief at the incompetency. I asked her point blank “Is it cancer?” She replied, “The oncologist will be able to tell you after she reads the pathology report”. She said that calcifications are common, but the microcalcifications I have are rare. I asked why nothing showed up on my bloodwork from November 22 and she said that bloodwork isn’t a good indicator and that mammograms are better at detecting it. We left her office confused, upset and pissed off. We went straight to the Comprehensive Cancer Center where Dr. Christensen was with the referral in hand. They processed the referral and said they received the transfer of care from Dr. Kashef, but they could not schedule an appointment until they receive the most recent pathology report from Quest. I was able to pull up my records from Quest through the patient portal and the results were not in. Dr. Christensen’s office called Quest and they were told it could take 10 days for the report to be ready. They said to call them in two days to see if they have received the report. They told me to keep my appointment with the surgeon and take the Quest report with me. No one will say the damn word. Needless to say, I think it’s time to find a new primary care doctor. This has been so frustrating and gut-wrenching. Why wasn’t I called to reschedule my appointment because they didn’t have the results?! Mike and I both took the day off. Why was a student doctor sent in ALONE to give me this type of information?!

March 2, 2023 – I called the Cancer Treatment Center of America (now called City of Hope) in Arizona because it’s where we took my dad when he was being jerked around by the doctors in Las Vegas. I explained my situation and they said they would check to see if they took my insurance. I filled out some paperwork in case I become a patient of theirs. They said they would need to see the newest biopsy results asap.

March 3, 2023 – I still haven’t heard anything and my Quest patient portal does not show my results. At lunch, I called Dr. Lin’s office and they said they received the results yesterday and they were sent to the patient portal. I checked the portal and nothing was there. I called back and the results were uploaded to the portal while I was on the phone.  I was at work and had to get my students from lunch, so my mom (who was volunteering in my class) took over the phone call. She got upset and yelled at the receptionist. I never received a call from Dr. Lin to review the results. I sent the report to the City of Hope along with all of the other reports from the mammogram and first biopsy. The nurse team reviewed it and called and said it looked benign and I would not need to go there. They said I still need to see a surgeon and follow up with the oncologist in Las Vegas. I was instantly relieved! Later I panicked and emailed City of Hope to see if they reviewed all of the reports or just the second biopsy which was taken from a different part of my breast than the first. I dropped off the second biopsy results to the oncologist’s office after work and they said I would hear from them next week, hopefully before my appointment with the surgeon.  I honestly don’t know how to feel about everything.

March 7, 2023 – I met with the breast surgeon today. She started out by asking me what I understood. I explained everything that led up to that point. I told her that Dr. Lin told me that there was a concern for cancer and she was no longer handling my case so she referred me to the breast surgeon and oncologist. The surgeon looked confused and left to get a printout of all of my paperwork. She brought back the papers and went through them one by one, explaining what everything meant. The report for the first biopsy said “deeper sections needed” meaning that SDMI was requesting Quest to do a deeper sample of what they had. Once that was done, they found “no infiltrating cells” which means no cancer. There was never a need for a second biopsy. She said SDMI recommended annual mammograms. If they suspected cancer, they would have suggested seeing an oncologist. She said the findings were marked “rare” because the two sets of calcifications were completely different which isn’t normal but also doesn’t mean cancer. I don’t need to have surgery or do anything with the calcifications. Bottom line: IT’S NOT CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will get my annual mammogram in August and follow up with the surgeon in September to review the results. I’ll also be finding a new primary doctor ASAP!

March 13, 2023 – So many different feelings have surfaced since all of this started. For starters, everything about losing my dad came back up. I am relieved that I don’t have cancer, but at the same time, I have a weird sense of guilt for not having it too. I feel terrible about what this ordeal has put my family through. My Hashimoto’s has shown no mercy over these last few months. I am in a flare-up and feel exhausted. I am inflamed from the inside out. My joints and muscles are on fire. I wonder how long it will take for my body (and brain) to catch up with the good news. I don’t have a gut feeling that anything was missed but am looking forward to my August mammogram to make sure everything is still okay.

What I have learned

I’m trying to view this whole nightmare as a learning experience (maybe it’s the teacher in me lol). I learned that if and when something like this happens again, I have the biggest and strongest support system! Although not too many people knew, the ones who did were supportive and understanding of my wishes to keep this quiet until I had the final outcome. I learned that life is short (I know this is an overused saying), it’s too short to spend time doing things I don’t want to do. I will no longer be attending things I don’t want to attend and making more time for the things I want to do. I learned not to sweat the small stuff and listen to my own heart rather than the opinions of others. I learned to let things go. Every rude remark, off-handed comment, look of disapproval, and mean gesture is nothing more than a minor annoyance. None of these things or people have a hold on me. I learned to stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Life is unpredictable and worrying about it doesn’t make it any more predictable. I learned to live and thrive in the present. I have applied for a dream job and am ready to see what is next for me!

On this day (November 13, 2020) last year, our lives were turned upside down. This is the day we found out my dad had cancer. I vividly remember sitting on the barstool in my parents dining room with my sister when he told us the news. I remember how calm he was. I don’t remember much after he said “Well, it is cancer”.

Every day since that day, I think about the year before. November 13, 2019 I was preparing to host a Friendsgiving bunco for coworkers. Dad helped me bring tables over and set them up. I wonder now, did he have cancer then? Most likely. But we didn’t know. Today, November 13, 2021, we reach a point where everyday will hold a shit memory from the year before. I remember calling a couple of my friends when I got the news. They told me to stay positive and it would be okay. Deep in my gut, I knew it wouldn’t. Nine and a half weeks later he was gone.

The shock has worn off and has been replaced with an empty feeling in my stomach and a constant ache in my heart. I am mad and sad and a jumble of other emotions. Things are so much harder than they need to be now. I know 9 other people who lost parents around the same time as me. They tell me their story and it only makes me feel worse. I feel bad enough as it is and then feel bad for them on top of it. I don’t want anyone to feel like this. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to stay as busy as possible and keep adding things to my plate. There is no down time for me. I can’t handle it, yet

*** Disclaimer*** I am actually 41 today, but with how rocky this year started, my sisters, mom and I decided to skip our traditional family birthdays this year. It was too hard knowing the phone calls we weren’t going to receive from Dad. This post was written last year but never published due to all of the social distancing guidelines.

40?! Ugh. I remember when I thought 30 was old! When Mike turned 40, I did a 40 days ’til 40 thing where the kids and I gave him a little gift each day starting 40 days before his birthday. He hated it! He said it was a constant reminder that he would be 40 soon. Birthdays weren’t celebrated much in his house. His parents were/are literally the worst! He doesn’t have many good memories of birthday parties (or anything really). On the other hand, I love birthdays! I can remember almost every birthday I’ve ever had. Where the party was at, who was there, what presents I received… There’s no other day where I am celebrated just for being born so I soak it in every single year! When asked what my favorite holiday is, without any hesitation I will tell you it’s my kids’ birthdays. I definitely won the birthday battle with Mike and those two kids of ours had epic birthdays each and every year. Not huge, Kardashian style parties by any means (only because we were not rich!), but many people showed up year after year and those parties were Pinterest worthy!

For my birthday, my mom, sisters and dear bestie planned and executed the most perfect party for me. It was a little touch and go. At the time the state of Nevada was still in Phase 1 (groups of 10 or less) but just before the party, we went into Phase 2 (groups of 50 or less). The party was filled with my favorite people and food…Chick Fil A and cereal! I was in heaven!

I’m pretty indifferent about age. It really is just a number. When people hear how old I am they usually tell me I don’t look 40. Well, what does 40 look like?

The day Dad passed, we called Palm and made an appointment to see what happens next and make arrangements for a funeral. This was the closest, biggest death our Helm 5 had experienced since the loss of Mama Jack in 2000. I was much more involved with this one.

January 20, 2021 – We had an appointment at Palm Mortuary at 10:00. We sat in a room with two women who went over the prices of different urns and other things. We ordered 12 death certificates. With COVID, it’s taking a bit longer than usual for them to come in. We were told it would be 2-3 weeks. We ordered a necklace with Dad’s fingerprint for Jake and had the back engraved. We plan to take it off the chain and put it on a keychain for him. We asked if they could give us a copy of Dad’s fingerprint so we could go elsewhere to make other items for the other grandkids. They said yes but it would take a couple weeks. Afterward, Mom wanted to visit Nana & Papa’s graves. While we were standing at their graves, Mom said Papa’s headstone was replaced a while ago because it has been chipped by the lawnmower. She said she felt bad for us for all being so young and losing our dad.  After we left Palm, we went to Starbucks to plan Dad’s memorial service. We decided to have it on Saturday at the park. Palm had a limit of 40 people they could allow due to COVID and that wouldn’t be enough. When we got back to my parents’ house, we wrote and sent in the obituary to Palm. My sisters and I went to Sam’s Club to get food for the service. While we were there, we decided NOT to get the cookies that were on the list. Instead, we decided to get a variety of Little Debbies snack cakes. That seemed to be more “Dad”. We went to Walmart, picked our favorites, and cried in the aisle. We went to the florist that evening, but they were already closed so we went to the park to decide how we wanted to set up for the service. We ordered sandwiches from Jimmy Johns for the service. Our hairdresser sent over dinner.

January 21, 2021 – This morning, we went to the Bonnies Florist and ordered the flowers. Bonnie was shocked to hear about my dad. We have used this florist for years, so she knew my family well. My dad always ordered flowers for my mom from Bonnie. Palm called and said the prayer cards were ready. We ordered these instead of the large program-type handouts. They have a picture of my dad on the front and a short obit on the back. When I went to pick them up, I couldn’t help crying at the front desk when the lady showed them to me. I smiled and thanked her. She said, “He has a nice smile. He smiles with his eyes, like you”.  Later that evening, my sisters and I went to my house and wrote the eulogy. It was much easier than I thought it would be to think of what we were going to say. It was also heart-wrenching. The dentist my mom works for sent over dinner.

January 22, 2021 – I called the city of Henderson and made the park reservation. Palm printed Dad’s obituary with the service arrangements. We were happy to see that people were leaving stories and memories of Dad. We went to Walmart to get some last-minute things for the service. My best friend, JoAnna flew in from Tennessee for the service. As I was on my way to the airport, it started to get windy and rain. We were all nervous about how the weather would be tomorrow. My school’s PTA sent over dinner. After dinner, we went to get picture frames for the tables at the service.

January 23, 2021 – Today is Mom’s 60^th birthday. We went to the park around 9:30 to set up. Over 60 people showed up for Dad’s service at 11:00. It was nice to see people we hadn’t seen in years and hear the stories about Dad. The common thread throughout all of the stories told was how much he loved his family and what an overall good guy he was. This wasn’t a typical funeral. It was a true celebration of his life. People were asked not to wear black, we only wanted to see bright colors. My sisters and I wore floral shirts. Mike and my brother-in-laws wore Hallmark Christmas Movie shirts. The grandkids wore Magic Mountain shirts. The food and Little Debbie snacks were served in bright green trays. We played music by Three Dog Night and The Eagles. Every table had many pictures to look at. It was a party he would have loved to attend. That night, we ate leftovers, drank, and played dominos.

January 24, 2021 – I took JoAnna to meet with her family this morning before she flew back to Tennessee. Later in the afternoon, we went to Lowe’s to pick out flowers to plant in my parent’s backyard. We ordered a memorial stone to put with the flowers that will say Gramps’ Garden.

January 25, 2021 – After work, I went next door to meet with Titan solar. My dad had solar panels installed last month and signed the final loan paperwork while he was in the hospital. Titan came out to activate the panels and Mom asked the guy to remove them. He said that wasn’t possible since it takes more work to remove them than it does to install them. It looks like she is stuck with them and the payment for the next 20 years.

January 26, 2021 – After work, Morgan and I went through Dad’s desk and cleaned out what we could. We went through bills and started to make piles on the kitchen countertop. It was hard going through all of his things. He had so many pictures of the kids. He had a “pet rock” that Mackenzie made for him when she was 6. We put it in the garden.

January 27, 2021 – I created a spreadsheet of all bills and due dates for Mom. We called Credit One to close account, but they need a death certificate to proceed. I feel so many things right now. Luckily, guilt isn’t one of them. I spent so much time with my dad and we never left anything unsaid. I don’t ever wonder if he loved me or was proud of me. He told me was, often. Maybe that is what makes this hurt so bad, I don’t know.

January 28, 2021 – I took Jake to the airport early this morning to go back to Iowa. On the way, he told me about the plans changing for his 21^st birthday that he had planned with his friend (this honestly calls for a whole nother post). Mom called a lawyer friend of the family. He advised possible bankruptcy from all the debt. He said to call the credit card companies first to see if they will negotiate due to the circumstances. He also suggested meeting with a bankruptcy lawyer just in case to see how to homestead the house. After work, we went to UPS Store to get the short-term disability paperwork notarized. Then we went to Albertson’s to get envelopes and stamps. We mailed out short-term disability paperwork.

January 29, 2021 – I called social security and they said Mom had to make an appointment for someone to call her back. The earliest appointment they have is March 15 at 2:30. My Aunt Cheryl (Dad’s sister) came out to spend the day with Mom. Mike and I do a weekend push for the Henderson Little Debbie distributor. We went out tonight and I cried when we left Winco. I realized I will never talk to my dad about Little Debbie again. I won’t be able to ask him questions or tell him funny stories about the crazies in the stores. I won’t be able to get donations for work or parties. I hate this!

January 30, 2021 – My mom called me over this morning thinking she might possibly be being scammed by AOL. It turns out that my dad was paying for some type of membership. It was legit, but Mom had me cancel it. That afternoon, Mom went to another service for her sister-in-law’s nephew who had passed away around the same time as Dad. They did the exact same type of service at the park. I don’t know how my mom sat through it, but she did. It was not any easier doing the Little Debbie stores tonight.

January 31, 2021 – Mom brought donuts over this morning. A group of friends took me to Culver’s in Bullhead, AZ. It was nice to take a quick road trip and talk about anything else. My friend lost her mom a long time ago and offered to talk anytime. I asked her when I will start crying. I obviously cried in spurts, but I didn’t think I was crying as much as Dad deserved. I cried because I felt guilty for not crying enough. She said I am most likely still in shock and it will hit me when I least expect it.

February 1, 2021 – I set up Netflix and other apps on Mom’s tv, and she canceled DirecTV.  She called a bankruptcy lawyer and he told her that although Nevada is a common law state, she would most likely not be bothered after giving the credit card companies a copy of the death certificate and telling them there is no estate. Later, Mom went to dinner with her friends. When she got back, we went over for cake.

February 2, 2021 – After work, we had a locksmith come out to look at our safe. He said the battery part needed to be replaced. We would need to find the part. We are in the process of buying the house we have been renting for the last few years and had the appraisal this afternoon.

February 3, 2021 – After work, I went with my mom to pick up the death certificates at Palm. It was so painful to see it in writing that Dad was really gone. The lady at Palm gave us a list of all the places that would need an original copy and said she made a few copies to send to the places that would accept a copy.

February 4, 2021 –My sister went to Palm to pick up my dad’s fingerprints. We are going to order each of the grandkids a necklace or keychain with Gramps’ fingerprint for them to keep.

February 5, 2021 – I took my parent’s dog, Muffin to get spayed. I heard a new song on the radio and cried thinking of all the music Dad would no longer hear. He loved music.

February 6, 2021 – A couple of my friends came over to scrapbook. It was nice to focus on something I love again.

February 7, 2021 – Just as the Super Bowl was getting ready to start, the doorbell rang. I got served papers (again, this warrants a separate post). About 30 minutes later, I realized my debit card was hacked. On the bright side, my mom’s new bed was delivered.

February 8, 2021 – We still can not find the part we need for our safe. We called the locksmith back out to drill it open.

February 9, 2021 –After Mike got home from work, we went to buy new safe. While we were at the safe place, Palm called and said my dad’s remains would be ready for pick up tomorrow. I broke down when we left thinking of what that actually meant.

February 10, 2021 – No school/work My mom, sisters and I went to Palm at 9:00. I was fine all morning and was even fine walking into Palm and down the hallway to the reserved room. Before the lady opened the door, she turned to us and said, “This is going to be hard”. That threw me off a little. I imagined picking up his remains would be the same as picking up the death certificate or the prayer cards. It was nothing like that at all. When Karen opened the door, the first thing I noticed was how dark it was. The lights were dimmed and there were candles lit in the front of the room on each side of the urn. This is when I noticed I couldn’t breathe, and the tears would not stop rolling down my face and into my mask. We walked in and just stood there staring at what was left of my dad crying quietly.  We didn’t stay very long, but it felt like hours. After we left, we went to Starbucks and planned a quick beach trip for May to spread his ashes.

February 16, 2021 – Mom went through Dad’s text messages and saw one between him and Dr. Tsuda from January when Dad was in the hospital. She texted Dr. Tsuda from her phone letting him know who she was and asking for an appointment. She needed to get some paperwork from him for my dad’s cancer policy. He told her to come in tomorrow morning and said he hoped my dad was doing alright and hanging in there.

February 17, 2021 – Mom went to see Dr. Tsuda. The first thing he did was ask how Dad was doing. Mom told him that Dad passed away last month, and he looked shocked and ASKED WHAT HAPPENED! I don’t know how my mom’s head didn’t explode! She explained the obvious.

February 28, 2021 – While going through what is hopefully the final few things, we found statements from appointments my Dad had in October with Dr. Tsuda. Dad was in the office on October 3 for a post op visit and had a phone conference on October 11. Neither time, was the biopsy or cancer discussed.

March 2021 – Reviewed bills coming in. Mountain View Hospital billed $378,000. After the insurance covered their portion, the balance is $77,000. Desert Springs Hospital hasn’t sent their bill for September yet, but Mom got paperwork from the insurance company stating they will not cover ANY of the $77,000 that Desert Springs charged because the surgery was due to Lap Band.

It’s been just over two months and is starting to set in. Dad is the last thing I think about at night and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I’m starting to have dreams, some with him, some without. Sleep is getting harder and more restless. I told my mom and sisters that every holiday and family function from now on needs to have Little Debbies snack cakes. The closer Mackenzie gets to graduating high school and going to college. The closer it gets to Jake’s 21^st birthday and Sadie and Parker’s birthdays. My birthday. Father’s Day. Needless to say, June is going to be rough. This is the month that brings our family the most joy, but this year it will bring the most heartache.

I have a ton of blog posts started, but this is what I get the most questions on lately.

Background – From the age of about ten, my dad was overweight. As a young adult, he yo-yoed but ended up on the heavier side. As kids, we never seemed to notice. It didn’t bother us. He wasn’t big, he was just Dad. It bothered others though. I remember when I was 15, he got demoted from his management position at Albertson because he didn’t look the part. This was just one of many things he went through due to his weight. I didn’t realize how much his weight bothered him until he announced that he scheduled himself for the Lapband surgery in 2014. None of us knew that this would be the beginning of the end. The rest of this post is a timeline.

June 2014 – 2018 – Lapband surgery was successfully performed. Dad recovered well and continued with his life. We took frequent trips to Magic Mountain and went on a few family vacations, had parties and everything was normal. All was well in our world. Dad lost 100 pounds and was happy. We were so proud of him!

Summer/Fall 2018 – Dad started having some trouble swallowing. He said he felt food getting “stuck”. He would say “it just won’t go down”. He went to the Lapband doctors. They checked the band and said it was fine. Each time my dad went in, the adjusted the pouch of saline. The problem subtly got worse, but he thought everything was okay because the Lapband was still in place. He thought maybe it was in his head.

Fall 2020 – Dad was no longer able to eat much and had lost an additional 70 pounds. He went back to the Lapband doctors and when they checked the band, it had slipped and was no longer at the correct angle. It needed to be removed. An endoscopy was scheduled.

September 4, 2020 – They tried to do an endoscopy but said his esophagus was blocked by what was most likely scar tissue. This is when we should have prepared for hell, but we had no idea what was coming next.

September 16, 2020 – Lapband removal surgery. Due to the COIVD restrictions, my mom was unable to be with my dad during the removal surgery. This outpatient process was scheduled for less than an hour but there were complications. The Lapband had broken and was in a few pieces. The scar tissue in his esophagus was unlike anything the doctor had seen before, so he took a biopsy. This was not relayed to either of my parents. The surgery took around three hours. My dad was admitted and had to spend the night in the hospital.

November 4, 2020 – You haven’t missed anything. It has been SIX WEEKS since the biopsy that no one knew about. My dad received a call from the doctor saying that he needed to come in right away to discuss the results of what was found in his esophagus. The soonest they could get him in was November 13.

November 11, 2020 – My dad had an appointment with his regular doctor and complained of pain in his groin area that had been going on for a couple of weeks. The doctor had him lay on the table and examined him but found nothing. My dad later told my mom that he only feels the pain when he is standing or in an upright position. He later talked to the doctor and learned that he had a hernia that would need surgery.

November 13, 2020 – Appointment with Dr. Tsuda (bariatric and general surgeon) and Dr. Kirgan (oncologist) – The doctors confirmed that the biopsy was indeed cancer, but a cat scan would be needed to see exactly what type of cancer and what stage it was in. They said dad would have the scans within a week because they needed to move quickly on this. The dr. ordered three scans. One of the chest area, one of the stomach area and one of the pelvic area.

November 16, 2020 – I asked Dad if he had a gut feeling about the cancer. He said he honestly didn’t think it was bad and he would be able to beat it.  I spent time with dad making phone calls to the insurance company and doctors office trying to get the cat scans approved and scheduled. The insurance company said they were waiting on the doctors. The doctor said they were waiting on the insurance. And so it begins…

November 17, 2020 – Nothing from either the insurance or doctors.

November 18, 2020 – Insurance denied three scans, they only approved one scan with contrast. Mom called the doctor’s office.

November 20, 2020 – Insurance finally approved all three scans with contrast. They notified and faxed the approval to Desert Radiology. Dad was told to wait until noon to call Desert Radiology to schedule. This would give them time to get it off the fax machine.

November 24, 2020 – The Catscan is now scheduled for December 3^rd. The sense of urgency felt before is clearly gone!

November 26 – Thanksgiving. Emotions are at an all time high with so much that is unknown. I sat next to my dad and felt guilty for wondering if this would be his last Thanksgiving. I don’t remember anything specific about any conversations. Everyone tried to act normal and not talk about what was going on. It was a big Thanksgiving with a lot of family that we only see around the holidays.

December 3, 2020 – Dad went in for his Catscan. He should get the results next week.

December 8, 2020 – Dad had an appointment with Dr. Kirgan (oncologist). It was a little worse than they thought. Dad had some type of carcinoma that had spread to his esophagus, the junction that joins the esophagus to the stomach, and the stomach. They saw a spot on one of his lungs and a few spots that look “suspicious” on his spine. He has an appointment with another Dr. tomorrow afternoon to discuss surgery. Dr. Kirgan told dad he would need to have chest surgery immediately and also needs to have a stent put in so he can regain the nourishment necessary to withstand chemo. He had lost 4 more pounds and now weighed under 200. He still can’t swallow very well. If they are unable to do a stent, they will look into putting a feeding tube in. Dad asked him about the Cancer Treatment Center of America and Dr. Kirgan said that would be a good place to go because all of their doctors are under one roof and could collaborate.

Dad had a phone interview with the Cancer Treatment Center of America today and scheduled an appointment for Dec. 21 for a petscan and second opinion.

December 9, 2020 – Today’s news was even worse than yesterdays. The cancer has metastasized to two places in his stomach. The doctor said its most likely in his lymph nodes and has spread to other parts of his body. Surgery and chemotherapy are no longer an option at this time because he is so weak and malnourished. The doctor ordered a petscan and an appointment with a radiologist to start radiation ASAP to try and shrink the cancer that’s in his esophagus so he will be able to eat better. The cancer has eaten through part of his esophagus and lining on the surrounding wall. They have labeled it as Stage 4.  Dad said he is nervous but hopeful that he can beat it. My mom is a wreck. My sisters and I are numb.

December 10, 2020 – We woke up to find Mike’s truck window was shot out last night. Apparently, there have been multiple reports of people’s vehicle and house windows being shot out by a group of older teenagers. I cried because the first person I call when things like this happen is my dad. Dad told me his back has been hurting and he is having a hard time sleeping. He doesn’t know if the pain is in his head or if the “suspicious” spot on his spine is something more.

December 11, 2020 – Dad had a phone conference with a nutritionist from CTCA. He went over everything he was able to eat, and she said she would send some protein shakes that might help him get some calories and nutrients in. She told him to eat in small intervals, a few times a day.

December 14, 2020 – I went next door to see how Dad was feeling and he wasn’t home. I called him and he said he was on his way home from work. He sounded out of breath and in pain. I asked if he was okay, and he said no and hung up. About 5-10 minutes later, he pulled in the driveway, got out of the car, and handed me his stuff. He said his stomach hurt and he didn’t know if he had to throw up or go to the bathroom. He was in the bathroom for over 20 minutes moaning. When I checked on him, he said he was too weak to get dressed or walk. I helped him to his bed to lay down. I called Morgan (she is a paramedic) and she brought out some antinausea medicine and started him on an IV. He was in and out of the bathroom a couple times and started to feel better after a while. I stayed for a phone conference with his nurse, Vicky, from CTCA. She asked us to send her all of his medical records from the doctors here ASAP. My mom was added to his file as a person to contact. My dad went over the timeline of his diagnosis and answered questions about body systems. Today he is 5’10 and weighs 195 pounds. He updated her on the stomach trouble he had today, his increasing back pain and his hernia. He went through his daily medications and the nurse confirmed a call for tomorrow with a doctor from CTCA. A few years ago, dad was having some urology troubles and got a couple nasty UTI’s. he has to take medication daily to ensure that his bladder empties completely when he urinates. After the call ended, Dad laid down. I stayed and worked from my mom’s computer. I left his house to pick up Jake from the airport. He was flying home for the holidays.

December 15, 2020 – Dad had a phone conference with Dr. Lynch from CTCA. He quickly reviewed his medical history and the LapBand removal surgery. Dr. Lynch said he saw some fluid in my dad’s abdomen. He said this could be from the surgery or the cancer. The next step is to get the petscan. The doctor was surprised Dad hadn’t had the petscan yet giving what the Catscan showed. Dad told him the whole system here was dragging their feet and he didn’t even have a petscan scheduled yet. Dr. Lynch said he would put in a request to do the petscan in AZ when Dad went for his Dec. 21^st appointment. At that appointment, Dad would hopefully have the petscan and meet with the oncologist and the GI team. He would possibly meet with the radiology team and a thoracic surgeon.

December 17, 2020 – I took my dad to the mall to get my mom’s Christmas gift. He was very specific on what he wanted to get her. He chose a necklace and had me pick out an outfit. We stopped in the food court, and he was able to eat some sesame chicken from Panda Express. CTCA was able to have the petscan scheduled in AZ for next week. Dad let the doctors here know that he would be receiving treatment elsewhere and cancelled his nonexistent appointment. The doctor’s office offered him an appointment from a petscan on Dec. 24. He said no.

December 18, 2020 – Every year, we host an Ugly Sweater Party. We decided to cancel it this year due to COVID and everything going on with my dad. He asked us to still have it because he wanted to come, so we just included family. Dad didn’t stay long and left because his back began to hurt. The shakes that the nutritionist from CTCA sent for Dad to try arrived. He didn’t seem to like them very much and said they were still hard to swallow.

December 19, 2020 – Jake and I went with my parents to Goodyear, AZ for the petscan which is scheduled for tomorrow. We ate dinner at the Cracker Barrel and took my dad back to the hotel to rest. We went to look at a few of the stores close by so my dad could rest in the quiet room.

December 21, 2020 – Mom took Dad to his Petscan first thing in the morning. She said CTCA was a breath of fresh air compared to the doctor’s offices in Las Vegas. She cried as soon as they walked in and was overwhelmed. The nurse told her she could stay and wait in the waiting room, but she didn’t want to leave Jake and I. I think she just didn’t want to wait alone. The nurse took my dad to the room for his petscan and joked with him along the way. He said she was very nice. They set up a follow up appointment for tomorrow to go over the results with his oncologist, Dr. Rhadi. After the petscan, Dad felt good and wanted to come home. We went to Macayo’s for lunch and headed home. On the way home, Dad’s back started hurting. That evening, I got Dad to drink Moonshine to help him sleep.

December 22, 2020 – Dad woke up and said he felt better than he has in a long time, must have been the moonshine! I went next door for the phone appointment with Dr. Rhadi from CTCA. The petscan shows cancer in the lymph nodes behind his stomach, above his collar bone and in his adrenal glands. There are multiple spots on his spine, sternum, and other bones. Dr. Rhadi said he needs to be careful because the cancer will weaken his bones so he will be more prone to fractures. Surgery is not an option because the cancer has spread so much. The doctor said it cannot be cured, but it can be treated. She said this type of cancer can be aggressive, but chemo can slow it down. We are hanging on to that! The next step is a biopsy of the lymph nodes and inserting a port that he will receive chemo through. If they are able to get him in next week, they will. If not, it will be the following week. He will go to CTCA in Goodyear, AZ to get chemotherapy every two weeks. It will take two days each time. He will wear a fanny pack that slowly administers the chemo. The doctor also said he is a possible candidate for a clinical trial that is about to start. He will find out more about that in a couple weeks. It sounds bad, but my family was all expecting a timeline and hearing there was nothing they could do. We thanked God when that didn’t happen. We finally had some hope and the beginnings of a plan.

December 24, 2020 – Mom said Dad insisted on keeping the holidays the same, so we spent Christmas Eve with Mom’s family. My sisters and I purchased a private watch party for my parents. The day after Christmas, we would watch a movie at the movie theater and have the whole room to ourselves.

December 25, 2020 – Christmas breakfast with Mom’s family.

December 26, 2020 – We went to the moves and saw the movie Last Christmas. One of my dad’s favorite things to do is go to the movies. He seemed to enjoy himself.

December 28 – The holiday schedule has been challenging to work with, but CTCA has been amazing. I wish we found them sooner. Dad’s conference call with the radiologist from CTCA has been scheduled for Jan. 5 at 10:00. Surgery to put in the port and get a biopsy has been scheduled from Jan. 7 at 8:30.

January 2, 2021 – My mom’s birthday is Jan. 23, but today we celebrated early because Jake leaves this week. She is turning 60 and didn’t want a big party, so we put together a scavenger hunt instead. My dad had gotten my mom sucked into a couple Hallmark Christmas movies and she told us about one where the people did a scavenger hunt. She seemed really into it, so that’s why we decided to do one for her birthday. We drew names for teams on Christmas Eve. The things we had to do were ridiculous! Someone had to pretend to pee on a fire hydrant, propose in public, pay cash for .25 of gas, do a TikTok ice cream challenge…It was a lot of fun! After the scavenger hunt, we went back to my parent’s house for cake and presents.

January 3, 2021 – My parents came over after dinner and Dad asked Jake if he would go to work with him tomorrow. His back was still hurting him, and he had to go to a couple stores in the morning. Of course, Jake said yes.

January 4, 2021 – Jake worked with dad, he said dad didn’t look good and was extremely weak. Jake said he had to drive because Dad was too weak. Mom called CTCA and talked to the nurse, Vicky. Mom explained that dad is not able to eat at all and is his breathing is “challenging” (this is how he described it). Vicky told her to take him to emergency room for an evaluation. Morgan was working today at Mountain View Hospital and saved a bed for him. She would be able to see him without any problems because of her position. No one else would be able to get in. I thought it was malnutrition and dehydration and hoped it was nothing more but terrified it might be. They did an Xray, and it showed a small obstruction in bowel, dad was admitted. He texted mom late that evening saying “The dr said I need to be on chemo and radiation now. They are going to put a stint in tomorrow or Wednesday. They will start chemo by the end of the week. I need to cancel my appointment for this week (he had an appt with CTCA to insert the port) They will also put in a feeding tube. Dr. said once chemo starts I need to keep eating”. My mom was blown away by the sense of urgency. We could have used that a couple months ago when all this started!

January 5, 2021 – Dad texted at 6:34 AM saying that a surgery team of 7-8 people were just in his room. They told him the primary reason he is in the hospital is to figure out what is causing the obstruction. They told him they want to do an endoscopy down his throat. They also told him they were not sure they could get him out by Thursday (he has an appt at CTCA in Arizona for surgery) so they suggested putting in his port and doing the biopsy in the hospital. This way he wouldn’t have to reschedule with CTCA. Mom talked to CTCA and they said he can’t go there until he is medically able to travel. The ER did a CT scan but didn’t see a bowel obstruction. They said it’s most likely the cancer. The surgeon called CTCA and agreed to insert the port and feeding tube, they also planned to do a biopsy from an area behind his stomach and around his clavicle, surgery will be tomorrow, then he will be sent to CTCA to start chemo, surgeon is going to try to insert the feeding tube by going down dad’s esophagus with the smallest tube they have. If they can’t get through, they will insert is directly through his stomach form the outside, they are worried about the fluid in his stomach leaking, they agreed to let my mom see him in pre-op. A therapist walked dad around the nurse’s station. We Face Timed dad this evening.

January 6, 2021 – No school/work today. Jake and I took my Mom to the hospital and met Morgan there. We learned that they decided to break it up into two surgeries. The port will be inserted at 10:00 and the biopsy, endoscopy and feeding tube would be placed at 4:00. When my mom went in for the preop, the surgeon changed his mind and said they would do everything at once, not in two surgeries. The surgeon told mom that my dad would have 5-10 years once he started chemo. The surgery began just before 11:00. Mom was told it would take an hour and a half. The surgery took longer than expected because they could not do the endoscopy, so they placed the feeding tube directly into his stomach from the outside. They placed the port and got the biopsy needed. The doctor said he did really well and would get to come home in a couple of days. Tonight, we FaceTimed dad with my mom and sisters. He was still a little groggy and weak. His voice was scratchy, so he whispered. He was upset about not being able to see Jake before he went back to Iowa, so we snuck him in! My sister had an old paramedic shirt that Jake wore and was able to see my dad without any problems.

January 7, 2021 – I had a staff meeting for work first thing in the morning. My mom spoke to a different ER doctor at 8:30 AM and he told her that when they opened my dad up during yesterday’s surgery, his stomach was full of cancer. He told my dad with chemo; he would have 6 months. Without chemo, he would have 3-6 months. He told my parents an oncologist would be in this afternoon to talk to them and answer questions. When he left, my dad stayed on the phone with my mom and said, “I tried to be a good man”. He told her there was still so many things he wanted to do. When he hung up with her, he called me and told me to go next door because my mom needed me. I went over and she gave me the news. We called my sisters and told them. Morgan went to the hospital to be with my dad. Brittany, and I stayed with my mom. I went home and broke the news to my kids and stayed with them for a little while before going back to my mom. I called my dad and told him I loved him and cried. He said, “don’t fret”. We spent the next 12 hours thinking my dad would be gone by summer. At 8:00PM, the oncologist, Dr. Wierman, called my mom and talked about starting chemo as early as tomorrow if she could get the surgeons to agree. She said in three months we would be able to determine the future. We asked about the 3–6-month timeline the other doctor gave, and she said, “They don’t know what they’re talking about and shouldn’t have told him that’. She discussed the chemo she wanted to start and said if his biopsy came back HER2 positive, that meant this chemo would help shrink the tumor. The results should be back in 8 days. It was the absolute worst day! The saddest part was picturing my dad in the hospital alone thinking of all the things he still wanted to do and see. He was started on 5-10cc’s in his feeding tube. He will gradually get to 80cc’s. The nurse told Morgan they would set us up with an appointment with an at home pump company who would teach us everything we need to know about using the feeding tube. Someone came in and did an echocardiogram and said it was because dad will be starting chemo soon and they want a baseline heart function. Dad is in a lot of pain and it is hard for him to get out of bed.

January 8, 2021 – With Dad having a plan to start chemo and the oncologists somewhat good news, Jake decided to keep his flight to go back to Iowa and left. Brittany’s husband had a headache at work, and they sent him to get a COVID test. He tested positive for COVID, he was over at my parents last night with a headache, which wasn’t unusual for him. We decided to keep my dad at my house for a couple days when he got released from the hospital to make sure my mom didn’t have it. Brittany had to quarantine at her house. Dad was told he would be getting release tomorrow or the day after. He is ready to come home. No date has been set for starting chemo. Mom ordered a flower arrangement to be delivered to his room. The florist said her shop is not delivering to hospitals due to COVID, so Morgan took it out. When she got to his room, she said he didn’t look good. He told her he was feeling better earlier but a nurse gave him mag citrate (laxative) through his feeding tube, and it made him feel hot and nauseated. He is hesitant to take any more pain meds because he wants to be awake enough to go to the bathroom. The surgical doctor saw him and said he could not be released until he had a normal bowel function.

January 9, 2021 – Today is Morgan’s birthday. She went to the hospital to check on Dad and was told he can’t be released until he poops. He is on a ton of pain meds, which could be causing the constipation, so they ordered an enema. Mom called dad this evening, and a nurse answered the phone. She asked her for an update, and she said he is in a lot of pain, so the doctor has ordered an ultrasound of his legs to check for a blood clot. They also did a D-Dimer test (to check for clots) and it was a little high, so they are doing a CT of his chest to also look for clots. They started putting 80 cc’s (equal to 4 tbsp) in his feeding tube every hour.

January 10, 2021 – Dad is getting weaker. They quit feeding him through his tube last night because he was getting nauseous and having acid reflux. He got a bad case of the hiccups and they are very painful.  He is not talking, just whispering. The nurse told Mom it’s because he is so weak, and his throat is dry. The oncologist said he is too weak to start chemo. They have given him an enema, Miralax and mineral oil, but he still has not gone to the bathroom. The good news is he doesn’t have any blood clots and the physical therapist worked with him. They pushed him to walk to the door and had him do some leg exercises in the chair in his room. Morgan came out for dinner tonight and said when Dad was in the bathroom earlier, he called out for “Mandy”. When she didn’t answer, he called for me again. Hearing this made me happy and broke my heart at the same time. I would give anything to be able to be at the hospital with him.

January 11, 2021 – Dad finally had a good day! Morgan said she could actually see that he was stronger and more awake. She hung a butterfly and dinosaur windcatcher that my niece and nephew made for him on his IV pole. He loved them. He walked further than the physical therapist anticipated and said his pain was manageable. Still no sign of poop, but it’s bound to be soon. The doctor who did his surgery came by his room and told him he needs to start chemo ASAP. This is where the miscommunication happens. There are so many doctors and one doesn’t know what the other one has said. We made signs to take to the hospital and hold so he could see them from his window. I went to Walgreens to pick up pictures to send with Morgan to liven up Dad’s room. The parking lot is where I cried harder than I’ve ever cried before and begged God to help Dad.

January 12, 2021 – Dad finally went to the bathroom and is hoping to start chemo today. My mom said her chest felt funny this morning and got a COVID test. After waiting for a few hours, she got negative results. While she was waiting for her results, the day nurse called her and said that the surgeons have signed off, so now we are waiting for Dr. Wierman to get going with chemo. The nurse told my mom that dad told him he had raised three girls and by the interaction on his phone he could tell he was a really good dad. The surgeon came in to see dad and said he could leave today! They moved him to a room across the hall because they needed his room for another patient. We took the signs to the hospital and held them up so he could see them. We were too far away for him to read them, but he could tell one of them was bright green. Morgan was in his room with him and read them to him. The oncologist visited my dad at 10:46PM (who does rounds that late?!) and called my mom to say she is concerned about his bilirubin and liver enzyme levels. His bilirubin should be less than 1. It’s 4.5. His liver enzymes should be in the 30’s, they are 200. The oncologist said they can’t start chemo with his numbers that high. Also, his drain tube is leaking a lot, so a surgeon has been called in to evaluate. They need to make sure the feeding tube isn’t leaking into his stomach. Dr. Wierman ordered pictures of his gallbladder to rule out a gallbladder attack. Dad will have to stay in the hospital to try to get these numbers down. The doctor said he will probably be there for another week.

January 13, 2021 – No school/work today. Dad’s feeding tube got pulled out accidentally (the nurse thinks he pulled it out, but no one saw what happened). They put it back in but need to do an X-ray to confirm it’s in properly. If it’s not, he’ll need another surgery tonight. The x-ray showed it was fine, so no surgery. He is very weak, and his breathing is gaspy and shaky. I called him this evening and spoke to a nurse. She wouldn’t let him out of bed to use the bathroom. They put a catheter type thing in him and told him they would bring in a bed pan if he needed to poop. She said he was too weak to get out of bed.

January 14, 2021 – Dad got an MRI to see if they can figure out what is going on. He is confused and slurring his words. His coloring is yellowish so there is definitely something going on with his liver. The ultrasound came back clean, there is nothing going on with his gallbladder. I just don’t understand why they can’t figure it out yet keep finding all this new shit! Dad got pissed and stood up in front of the day nurse and said he needed to exercise so he could get better. The day nurse didn’t understand why the night nurse last night wouldn’t let him get up. I feel like he is trapped in the hospital. If he leaves against medical advice, the insurance won’t cover any further treatment! He doesn’t have a main doctor in the hospital, the surgeon has signed off and doesn’t see him anymore. Now he sees the rotating doctors, Dr. Wierman (oncologist) and whatever GI doctor is available. There is no consistency with any of the doctors (except for Dr. Wierman) or nurses. My mom was at my house when Dr. Wierman called. The first thing she asked was “What extensive measures do you want us to take if something happens?” When my mom asked what she was talking about, she said “Do you want us to pound on his chest and break his ribs by doing CPR?” My first thought was “What in the hell kind of question is that?!” Dr. Wierman explained that Dad was now considered “Category Two Care”. His bilirubin is 6.6. Dr. Wierman said the GI doctor needs to look at Dad’s numbers. My mom told the doctor she would need to talk to my dad and the girls. Dr. Wierman said he would be getting a blood transfusion and should start feeling better quickly. When the doctor left, my mom asked my dad what he wanted. I had my sisters on speaker phone. Dad said he did not want to be a vegetable, no extensive measures. He said he wanted to be cremated and spread wherever my mom wanted so they could be together. We told him we loved him and said goodnight. We spent the next few minutes crying and in disbelief.

January 15, 2021 – The MRI was inconclusive. The ultrasound didn’t show anything, but all the labs point to gallstones, so they are running more tests today. He received a blood transfusion last night and the doctor said he is dehydrated. She said he has a blood clot somewhere, but they can’t find it. They are waiting for a gastroenterologist to evaluate him. They did a Hidascan this afternoon to look closer at his gallbladder. A nurse told Morgan that the Hidascan showed no activity in the gallbladder, so that is why all of the junk has been building up in his body (bilirubin and liver enzymes). The nurse said she didn’t know how they’ll fix it, but they have stents and drains they can use. The oncologist said as soon as he’s well enough, they will send him to a rehab facility. We plan to fight this so he can be released to go home, recover there and then begin chemo at CTCA. Morgan brought him a razor from home and shaved his face and sent us a selfie. He looked so good and happy. He met with the physical therapist and was able to walk to the door and back.

January 16, 2021 – The GI doctor and surgeons have decided on a drain but haven’t set a date or time to insert it.

January 17, 2021 – Dad slept all day and is very weak, lethargic, and disoriented. Mom talked to his day nurse and was told the orders show the drain will be placed tomorrow. His bilirubin is 12.6. He received another unit of blood. Mom called Dr. Wierman late this evening and she said she needed to see mom in person and set up an appointment from us to go in tomorrow afternoon.  Mom spent the night at our house, and I slept in Jake’s bed with her. We talked about how scared we were and cried.

January 18, 2021 – No school/work today. Mom called to check on Dad first thing this morning and talked to his day nurse, Alex. He told her that he would call Hospice to facilitate Dad’s future needs. Mom went home to get ready. On the way to the hospital, someone from Hospice called Mom. She told them we were on our way to meet with the oncologist, and she would call back with an update. Brittany was in a rush to get a negative COVID test so she could be there for the meeting. She got her results just in time and met us in the parking lot. Morgan was able to get us into the lobby where we waited and wondered what was going to happen. I heard Brittany say, “Oh my God” and her voice cracked. When I turned around, I saw Dr. Wierman pushing my dad in a wheelchair. I was shocked. He was completely yellow and so skinny. I could see his bones poking through his hospital gown. The whites of his eyes were yellow, and he looked confused. The doctor wheeled him outside so we could talk privately. I locked eyes with my dad for just a moment and had to turn away. I didn’t want him to see how scared I was. Brittany and I hugged and cried together. Dr. Wierman said dad will be sent home tomorrow morning and had “days…weeks” left. We hugged my dad and told him we loved him. He looked confused but perked up when Dr. Wierman told him he was going home. He pulled my mom aside and said, “Come with me to get my shit”. My mom laughed and said he would be coming home soon, not right this minute. I texted Jake and told him to book a flight home immediately. The soonest he could get was for tomorrow morning. Morgan was given the rest of the day off and went to my dad’s room to pack up his things to bring home. On the way home from the hospital, hospice called my mom and made arrangements to bring a bed to the house and schedule a nurse to come out. When we got home, I put out a Go Fund Me to try to get my parent’s help with the bills that would come. A little while later, Morgan’s friends/coworkers from AMR said they were covering the cost of transport and would be personally be bringing my dad home tonight! Brittany’s friend brought over dinner. About an hour after hospice set up the bed, AMR brought my dad home. The hospice nurse arrived and went through his medication with us and told us to call if we needed anything throughout the night. She said another nurse would be visiting tomorrow. After he was settled, we turned on the TV to the Hallmark Movie channel and turned the lights off. We all sat around my dad and talked to him. He didn’t talk much but nodded and could understand what we were saying. Morgan dipped one of his mouth swabs in root beer and when she gave it to him, his eyes about popped out of his head! He had been asking for root beer the entire time he was in the hospital. Dad asked me about Jake, so we Face Timed him. Dad told him he loved him and would see him tomorrow. Mike went to our favorite donut shop and got donuts. Around 10:30 everyone left, and it was just my mom, niece, sisters, and me. Brittany went to bed with Sadie in one of the bedrooms. Morgan laid on the recliners. I was on the other end of the couch with Holly (dad favorite dog) in my lap. I watched my mom lay her head on my dad’s chest and cry for most of the night. Around 2:00AM, my mom, Morgan and I ended up in the kitchen going through my dad’s phone trying to figure out his bills. My parents have separate credit cards and we needed to see how many my dad had. We stayed up talking until 5:00AM and went to sleep.

January 19, 2021 – I woke up 6:30 AM and went home to get ready for work. I had an RTI meeting and had to make a few attendance calls. I went back to my parent’s house. I am so glad I live right next door.  Dad never woke up. He seemed to be sleeping somewhat deeply. We took turns sitting with him and saying our goodbyes. We were worried that Jake wouldn’t make it in time. Jake arrived and sat with my dad, cried, and thanked him for being such a good Gramps. My aunt Cheryl (dad’s sister) arrived with her daughter and granddaughter to say goodbye. A hospice nurse arrived and checked on dad and said he had begun his journey. We all gathered around the bed to listen. She assured us he wasn’t in pain and would stay in this state until he passed. She told us to play music and talk to him because hearing is the last sense to go. She said this state could last for a few days and his breathing would begin to crackle when the time got closer. She explained that he would stop breathing for up to a minute at a time and that was normal. As she was explaining, he stopped breathing. Everyone panicked a little and the nurse told us to wait. After a few seconds, he started to breathe again. She said this would continue as she just explained. We relaxed a little and he stopped breathing again. We all held our breath and waited. The nurse checked him and held her hand up and told us to wait. I checked my phone, it was 12:27PM. We waited. No one moved, no one breathed, we cried in silence for two minutes, waiting but he never breathed again. The nurse called time of death at 12:30PM. The rest of the day was filled with phone calls. It rained that evening. Mom said it was Dad letting us know he was okay. Anything beyond that is a blur.

Oh how I love Amazon! What do I love about Amazon? Sooo many things! The convenience of not having to leave the house to shop, quick shipping, a multitude of items, subscriptions and Prime just to name a few. I placed 146 orders in 2020 (don’t tell Mike!) Not everything was for me, some were gifts! I’ve narrowed my purchases down and chose the top 20 (in no particular order) that I found most useful and am sharing them with you. Each one has a link, so if you are interested just click and purchase 😉

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase

1.   Clear Storage Containers – One of my besties who shares my love of organizing, told me about a show on Netflix called the Home Edit. After one episode, I was hooked and immediately went to the Container Store in Town Square. *side note: My 17-year-old daughter was recently asked by one of her friends if she had a $1,000 gift card to anywhere, where would she want it for. She said the Container Store which melted my heart and confused her friend all at the same time lol. I love the Container Stores vibe, but not their prices! I found the same types of containers on Amazon for much less. I really like this mDesign brand, but also like the Stori brand too. If you are looking to get organized in 2021, start here! The thing I love about these is that I can (and have) add vinyl to them to label them and give them a nice, polished look! I actually ordered 9 different styles/sizes.

2.  Gel UV LED nail lamp – If quarantine taught us anything, it was how much we relied on beauty shops, and nail salons! I bought this in April when my nails were looking jankier than ever and all our nail shops were closed with no reopening date. I went to Amazon looking for polish and a cheap lamp. I fell in love with this Gellen brand of polish and also found this lamp. For the price of a nail salon gel manicure, you can get this lamp and DIY your own nails and save money! That’s a win-win for sure.

3.  Blue light blocking glasses – COVID brought on more headaches than anything else in 2020. Luckily, I did not get COVID, but I did get headaches from all the forced online work I had to do. I saw a friend post about blue light blocking glasses and figured I’d give them a try. I found this two pack and keep one pair at home and the other pair at work. They really do help with the headaches!

4.  Clip on desk lamp – I spent a lot of time scrapbooking and creating items for the Etsy shop using vinyl. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s the lighting (I blame the lighting), either way, I found I was having a hard time seeing the little paper pieces when I scrapbooked. I ordered this light and clipped it onto my desk and voila! There was light once again, and I could see what I was doing 😊 I also clip this light onto my computer monitor when I’m working (school counselor here meeting with staff and students via Google Meet) so I don’t look like I’m in a cave. For all you crafters, this light also helps when weeding vinyl!

5.  Renpho Scale – New Year. Same me. My fitbit scaled died over the summer and I found this one on Amazon. Like the fitbit scale, the Renpho connects to an app. There is also a Renpho Facebook group, but I didn’t join it so I can’t give any info on it. I just needed a new scale and this one was a good price with a lot of cool features!

6.  Rose Gold Picture Frames – I asked Mike to repaint my scrapbook room. It was tan, now it’s gray. I found myself being drawn to different rose gold accents. I found some cute printables on Etsy and grabbed these frames for some cute, cost friendly décor. If rose gold isn’t your color, there are other options. I also received this matching clock for Christmas.

7. Gallon Water Jug – I made a goal to drink a gallon of water each day. I ordered this jug to make it easier than counting water bottles or how many times I filled up my hydro. My only complaint at first was how heavy it was when it was full (duh, it’s a friggin gallon!) But that alone made me motivated to drink faster! There are so many cute color choices.

8. Bathroom Updates – We found many little projects to do in 2020. We are currently in the process of updating our guest bathroom. I love the industrial pipe look that’s been floating around lately. I found this toilet paper holder and towel bar and love the look of them. Also, the toilet paper holder is open on one end, so you don’t need to mess with the springy insert. I never even knew that annoyed me until I got this new holder!

9. Touchless Thermometer – I haven’t bought a new thermometer in 20 years. It was definitely time for a new one!

10. Lint Lizard – In addition the the Home Edit, my bestie also told me about a company based in Canada called GoCleanCo. This company is amazing and has forever changed the way I think about cleaning. If you don’t follow them on Instagram, you should. Click this link and follow them NOW! I watched their highlights and how they clean different areas of the house and that is how I learned about the underneath part of the lint trap in my dryer. My Dyson (best vacuum ever) didn’t have an attachment small enough to reach so I ordered this Lint Lizard and it attached right to my Dyson. The first time I used it, I was shocked that my house hasn’t caught on fire yet. SO. MUCH. HIDDEN. LINT! I consider this a safety purchase.

11. Pilates Ball – A friend introduced me to HB Pilates (click here to follow). They are offering in home workouts during the shut down and I am so happy to be able to exercise from home at my own pace! They sell equipment on their website, but I already purchased this ball and these bands from Amazon (which was the cheaper option anyway).

12. Puppy Food – Anyone who knows me personally or follows me on social media knows that my family got two Mini Australian Shepherd puppies over the summer. Over 30 of the items purchased on Amazon were for them! A separate post introducing them, and their favorite products is in the works. This is the puppy food my vet recommended. We pay much less for it by subscribing through Amazon than going to PetSmart or Petco. This size bag lasts us 6-7 weeks and we never have to worry about running out! I had to play around with the delivery date. Amazon recommends a 4-week delivery, but we changed it to every six weeks.

13. Personal Blender – I like to drink protein shakes, but don’t like to deal with the big Ninja blender (I love my Ninja for other things), so I found this one and love it! It also has many color options.

14. Grout Cleaner Drill Attachments – Another cleaning product that will change your life! This is the perfect way (and only way in my opinion) to clean your tile grout. These attachments are so easy to use and small enough to store in a drawer.

15. Clothes! – Clothes on Amazon?! Never before have I ordered clothes online. I like to try before I buy but the quarantine killed that for me and forced me to shop for clothing online. I ordered this shirt in different colors and styles and absolutely love the fit and feel of it.

16. Gifts for Grads – Let’s face it, graduation 2020 was not what the high school and college senior expected. Unfortunately, this year’s class of 2021 (my daughter’s class 🙁 ) will have it worse! I ordered these gift card holders for last years seniors and will probably do the same for this year’s seniors.

17. New Door Handles – Like I mentioned before, we are updating a few things around the house. These door handles and some fresh paint made a huge difference for not a huge price!

18. You Book Series – YOU became a Netflix sensation a couple years ago. I watched the first two seasons and decided to order the books (which are always better than the TV version). I ordered this book and the second one. I also ordered Little Fires Everywhere which is a series on Hulu.

19. Vinyl – I usually order my vinyl from 143 vinyl or Michaels, but when I’m in a pinch, I order from Amazon because I usually receive my order within a day or two.

20. Mug Warmer – This was a splurge for me. I love to make coffee and smell it, but I don’t drink it fast enough and it always gets cold. Sometimes I try to rewarm it in the microwave, but that’s just weird. This handy dandy mug warmer is the perfect solution. I can set my mug on it and not worry about my coffee getting cold. Now I can take even longer to drink it 😉

That’s a wrap! Like I said, I have a whole ‘nother list in the works for pup products that I found on Amazon. Please let me know what your favorite Amazon products are or if you found any on my list that you couldn’t live without!

Happy New Year!

During my time off, I sat down to think about some of the biggest lessons/findings that came out of 2020 for me. I didn’t want this year to end off feeling like “I just survived 2020.”

The truth is, I’ve struggled with my feelings throughout this season– almost like survivor’s guilt. Although I did not experience the extreme hardship of this year like I know too many people did (and still do), 2020 was CHALLENGING AF for me.

And out of the challenges come gratitude, learning and resilience. So here are some of my 2020 lessons (Leave a comment to let me know which one resonates with you the most or to share some of your 2020 lessons.)

1. When faced with a choice, always choose the path of least resistance: What if it were easy, what would that look like? — sometimes I think we get caught up in making things more difficult than they need to be.

2. Never let a good disaster go to waste. The pandemic challenged me to think about how to leverage this period of time. This helped me to feel like I had some control over my own situation.

3. Structure gives you freedom. It is extremely important that I save my energy for the actions I intentionally want to give my energy to. The more structure in my day (and life) the less energy I waste.

4. Pick your ‘very few’ battles. This one relates more to me than anything else. I let go of a lot of battles this year in the name of saving my energy for things that intentionally matter to me. I walked away from some toxic people and have learned to limit my interactions with those I can’t avoid.

5. Invest in help. Oh man, did I ever invest in help this year. Thank God for family, friends and coworkers who resemble both! I have zero intention of being a martyr who tries to do it all — I don’t want to do it all. I want to do very little actually! A big shout out to those who’ve helped me accomplish this! 😉

6. Opportunities always exist. Oh my, do they ever. This year was filled with abundant opportunities. For the first time ever, the entire world was forced online. What a gift… a lot of the barriers to operating online were broken which opened the floodgates. How many new online businesses were founded in 2020 (my Etsy shop for one). I can’t wait to hear the stories in 3-5 years from now about how the pandemic forced them to pivot or start something new and how successful they’ve become.

7. Sorry Not Sorry. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.” “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your message right away.” “Ignore my messy kitchen.” “Ignore the dog toys strung from one end of the house to the other.” There were many times where I felt the urge to apologize for something. I realized the only reason I felt that way is because of the expectations that others have such as: I should have a Pinterest style kitchen or respond to a text within minutes of it being sent– so I just didn’t apologize and remarkably nothing happened 🙂

8. What if this is all just a game, like a TikTok Challenge. I sometimes think like this. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism and even if it is, I’m all for it. I am here for Growth. So, if my life is a TikTok Challenge, then of course there will be tests, challenges, battles, wins and losses. These challenges and tests are here to show me what I’m made of…

9. Have financial security. In March, I started to allocate money to an emergency fund. I wanted to have 6 months of house payments stored away so that if the pandemic continued beyond the 30 days we were originally told, we wouldn’t be in dire straits (been there, done that, will blog about it eventually). Having a solid 6+ months of mortgage gave me peace of mind and ensures that I have financial security. It allowed me to make decisions from a place of security vs fear. This Dave Ramsey book gave me a new perspective on what we should be doing with our money.

10. If you don’t like it. Change it– it’s that simple. I’ve done this for my entire life. I make decisions. Execute on them. And then if I don’t like it, I change it. Quickly. But sometimes I forget this simple concept and I get stuck in a rut or I rationalize the crappy feelings because of other people’s feelings or opinions but then I am the one who pays the price… if something isn’t working for me, I have the right to change it. Even if the thing that isn’t working is a big thing or a big deal to others. If it’s not working for you, change it.

What lessons are you taking away from 2020? I’d love for you to share some with me. Send me a DM over on Instagram, I’m @mrs.dandymandy (business) or @mandy_yeoman (personal) or @izzy.and.scout.the.aussies (pups account)

Before ending this last email of 2020, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for choosing to be here and for the support you gave to me personally and professionally this year. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and for allowing me to be a part of yours.

Here’s to BIG GROWTH in 2021…

I never thought the quarantine life would be for me, but I was wrong. I lived my best life during quarantine! It was so refreshing not to have any commitments other than work. I loved working from home. Luckily, we have a fourth bedroom that is used as my scrapbook room with the computer already in it. It was nice not to have to rush to be to a game or track meet or family dinner every night. The quarantine forced us to slow down and just be. It was also a nice change not to have to get completely ready (hair and makeup) each day. 90% of the time, I don’t leave the house without make up. During the quarantine, I only wore make up a handful of times. It was nice to give my face (and pores) a break! We quarantined with my parents because they live next door and we are basically one household. If we are not at their house, they are at ours. They spent a lot of time with us because they were unable to see any other family or friends.

We watched a lot of Netflix shows that had been on our to do list for years. We watched the entire Breaking Bad series in a two-week period. Jake had been begging us to watch it and once we started, we could not stop! We haven’t begun Better Call Saul, that’s next on our binge list. The kids worked on their school work for a little bit each morning. Like, the bare minimum required! Jake practiced his guitar that he bought for a guitar class at CSN. Mackenzie downloaded Minecraft and played with her friends. She was really upset that we wouldn’t let her go out. Her friends continued to hang out and she couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t let her. Not knowing enough about this virus other that it attacked the respiratory system freaked us out. We didn’t know how well (or even if) she would recover if she got it. We took walks as a family. I honestly can’t remember the last time we did this. On these walks we discussed getting another dog (which we did, but that deserves an entirely separate post!).

Mike did a few side jobs (he’s a painter) and also completed some small projects around our house, but ended up getting real bored real quick with the gyms closed down. He searched high and low for equipment to use at home. He found a few dumbbells online. He also ended up buying two bonsai trees to keep himself busy with. I scrapbooked and got all of our albums caught up. I reorganized a few things around the house. I finally had the time to look into and open an Etsy shop! It’s something I have been wanting to do forever but never found the time. It’s been fun creating things to add to it. I don’t have a specific niche. It is truly a little bit of everything! I am constantly finding new things to make and add!  I also found HB Pilates through a friend at work. It’s a Pilates studio in Huntington Beach, CA that was shut down along with everything else. The owner and instructors started recording Pilates classes on Zoom and playing them for free. It gave me something to schedule each day and I loved it. My endocrinologist kept telling me to try yoga, which I did but I have lost all flexibility and just felt awful about myself during yoga. The classes from HB Pilates were doable and made me feel strong and capable. I was also able to focus and strengthen friendships. I texted close friends regularly and met up for socially distanced lunch dates.

Don’t be mistaken. Our quarantine time has not been all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, the day these pictures were taken, we fought like cats and dogs! Mike didn’t want to take pictures in front of the house because he was afraid of the people driving by thinking we were making fun of the quarantine and would do something to our house. He wanted to take the pictures in the backyard. Mackenzie was terrified that someone from her school would drive by and see her, take a picture, and post it. Everyone complained about the masks being ugly and too hot to wear. I was ready to kill all three of them by the time my mom came over to take the outdoor picture! She could feel the tension and left right after she took the picture. We went inside, put all of the props away, continued to argue and all went to our separate corners to cool off. We took the inside pictures hours later!

For fun, we have been saying the word “quarantine” in front of everything. Okay, I have been saying quarantine in front of everything. It’s not mac & cheese, it’s now quarantine mac & cheese. Mike and the kids are over it, but I continue to say it to annoy them!  What have you been doing to entertain yourself during this time? I would love to get some new ideas!